So you won't pick up my calls or return my texts, so this will have to do for now.
I don't even know where to begin with this, Mars. I know you have every right to be angry with me, and I deserve every single ounce of it. You are undoubtedly a strong young woman who has become everything I had hoped you would be. I understand that you must have questions about why I made certain choices in life, and I think it is necessary for you to understand the context of what I was going through.
I was pregnant at twenty-one years old when I was studying at MIT. It's true, I felt strongly for Marcus whereas he made it quite clear that there was no future for us. I was frightened and decided to leave Boston and go back home to Philadelphia where I actually had friends who gave a damn about me. As the pregnancy went on, and I discovered that I was going to have twins, I realized that I had a huge responsibility coming, and I wasn't sure if I was ready for it.
Actually, Marina, I knew I wasn't ready.
I gave up Patrick because I was overwhelmed and young and selfish. I will regret it every single day of my life, Marina. I lied about you having a brother. I never spoke of Patrick's existence to Marcus and nothing I do will ever make up for the years you both lost out on having a brother and son, respectively. I know parts of myself wanted to hurt Marcus badly for how he treated me when we were younger, but I should not have used you as a pawn all these years. You are my daughter, and you deserved much better than that.
We both know that you have given me more chances than I deserve, and that's a testament to your character. I honestly don't know what I am expecting writing this to you right now. I would not be surprises if you never want to see my face again, and I will respect your boundaries if that's what you want, but I implore that you come visit me so that we can talk this through together.
I'll be back in Philadelphia next week, and I would very much like to see you come home so we can work through all of this together you and I.
Sent from my iPhone
This will never be resolved.
Nothing you say or do will justify what you did to us, and the sad thing is that it never had to be like this. I'll be coming to Philadelphia not to figure things out with you and cry about how much you completely ruined my life. I'm coming to speak my peace and be done with you for good. My own father can barely look me in the face and he's as distant as ever.
This is not my fault, but because I'm your daughter, I'm always tethered to your bullshit. But not anymore.